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Post by hsmom24 on Jan 23, 2011 22:40:27 GMT -6
So, DH and I went to a new church today, and one of the church leaders got to talking about children, and how his 2 were "more than enough" and that he had a V and that it wasn't reversible because he would "never go under the knife again". It went on and on, with his tone coming across as very harsh. At one point I couldn't bit my tongue anymore, and I said "you never know how God will change your heart". He and his wife both just said "Nope, we're never going to have anymore". His wife did say something about how if God really wanted them to have another one, that the V wouldn't stop Him. I really, really had to just breath deeply. I wanted to say that God will also allow you to reap the consequences for your choices, and maybe your consequence will be missing out on the other blessings that He wanted so badly to give you.  I get that some people don't want anymore children, but come on, this was a man in the leadership position of a church, and he's basically saying that he doesn't care what God wants or would call him to do. Really put a bad taste in my mouth for this church. Not sure if we're going to go back again. Because why would I want myself, or my children, getting their spiritual guidance for him? Grrr.... |
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Post by Jennifer on Jan 23, 2011 23:17:04 GMT -6
Oh Leslie, I would of had to of bite my tongue as well!
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Post by tiffmw10 on Jan 23, 2011 23:58:26 GMT -6
O wow. I'm shocked that they would be so candid without knowing you. People really need some manners with how they approach sensitve subjects like that.
You never know who you are talking to or if they or someone they know have gone thru that exact same thing. Ugg.
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Post by hsmom24 on Jan 24, 2011 0:02:28 GMT -6
Right, Tiff?!?!? My MIL just kept saying "Why would they even say that to someone they've never met before?" Oy!
Jen, I struggled so hard to keep my mouth shut. As soon as we got into the car, my DH looked at me with this wicked grin and said "So what did you think?" lol He was in the same spot I was, a little dumbfounded that they would say that.
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Post by tiffmw10 on Jan 24, 2011 0:09:59 GMT -6
I wouldn't be hanging out with them again.....
Churches have all kinds. I come from a family of TWO ministers. Talk about a bunch of hipacrits (sp). I've seen it all.
Nothing should surprise me in todays world sadly.
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Post by kews on Jan 24, 2011 10:59:12 GMT -6
I can't believe they would be so insensitive. It makes me wonder about his counseling style. I don't think I would be able to go back, or at least be around that pastor.
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Post by hsmom24 on Jan 24, 2011 13:41:48 GMT -6
Kirsten, that's my (and DH's) feeling as well. And I'm just wondering if that's how this one guy thinks and he's in the leadership, what does that say about the rest of them (the other leadership)? It's so sad to me because this is a sister church to the one that we LOVE and have been going to for awhile now. But when we bought our house, we moved further away from it, and it's now a 45 minute drive each way. I can do that drive each Sunday, but it's too far for us to do every time there is a function or get together. Which makes it really hard to stay active in the church and the church family when you can only see them on Sunday.  I was really hoping that this sister church would become our new home, but both DH and I left with such a bad taste in our mouths, we're not even sure whether we want to give it another try. |
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Post by photokissa on Jan 25, 2011 11:50:09 GMT -6
I'm sorry that happened, Leslie! I get so irritated having ANY TTC conversations with people it drives me nuts. Last week my boss decided to tell me that an old co-worker we worked with was TTC and he didn't understand why they were starting so late as it gets to be "almost impossible" once a women hits her mid thirties. Now, he KNOWS I have no children and I just turned 33 and you think this is a conversation that we should have right now??? My theory is that people suck in general, and I'm sorry one those sucky ones has a leadership role in that church. BLECH.
Edited to add...WHY do people feel that talking about something so personal is an ok conversation to have??? And why is he walking around sharing things like that?? That is SO WEIRD.
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Post by Jennifer on Jan 25, 2011 11:57:27 GMT -6
Some people can be so insensitive, sorry girls! |
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Post by hsmom24 on Jan 25, 2011 12:03:58 GMT -6
Oh good grief, I'm so sorry that your boss said that. My mom got pg with my baby sister (her surprise baby) when she was 38. Being mid-thirties does NO make it nearly impossible.
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Post by tiffmw10 on Jan 25, 2011 12:07:38 GMT -6
What an idiot. I'm 39 and that pisses me off.
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Post by photokissa on Jan 25, 2011 13:30:49 GMT -6
My boss is a KNOWN jackass. lol. Do not take him seriously:) I had a neighbor who got surprisingly pregnant at 45. And my SIL had my baby niece when she was a month shy of 40. It happens all over the place. He's just an IDIOT.
Edited to add...My boss once turned me and asked "Am I really that big of an ass?" I said "No. You are a much bigger ass than you even think you are." So not to worry..he's had it handed to him quite a few times over the past 7 years by yours truly:)
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Post by hsmom24 on Jan 25, 2011 18:21:36 GMT -6
LOL Good for you for not sugar coating it for him.  Oh, and I just realized that I totally posted this in the wrong forum. *snort* Guess I should put those super "global moderator" powers to work and figure out how to move this baby to the right forum.  ETA: Ahh, all fixed now. |
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Post by shell2011 on Jan 28, 2011 21:17:34 GMT -6
Leslie, that would bother me, too. That is such an odd thing for an elder/deacon/whatever to say especially to someone they've just met.
One of our now former pastors actually wanted to meet up with DH to discuss the ins and outs of having a V right after DH returned from having the VR. They have 4 children and were convinced they were done so he wanted to quietly get snipped. Well, I guess he never went through with it because his wife is pg again. I just thought it was strange that a pastor would be considering permanent bc and still be comfortable telling the congregation to trust God in all things. I'm not judging, but thought it was strange that he wanted to talk to DH about the V at that particular time especially since DH was so open about his conviction (with the pastors, not publicly).
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Post by carrie1013 on Jan 29, 2011 16:08:56 GMT -6
Shel--very good point!
Reminds me of a pastor I remember that went on and on about abstinence for teens, it is the only way, yada, yada, but put his own daughters on BC as soon as they turned 13. Hmmm, I guess he did not trust his powers of abstinence persuasion in his own home. His daughter was in my class and she bragged about how she could now have sex with her boyfriend and not have to worry about getting pregnant.
Sometimes I think people in such roles that can highly influence others in both morals and values have a tendency to think what they decide for themselves is right for EVERYONE. And if you question their opinion then obviously there is something wrong with YOU.
I go to church to hear the beautiful word of God not the ignorant word of man.
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I was really hoping that this sister church would become our new home, but both DH and I left with such a bad taste in our mouths, we're not even sure whether we want to give it another try.
