Post by tiffmw10 on Jan 19, 2011 2:36:59 GMT -6
A few of us decided it would be a good idea to start a thread for us stepmoms to share our stories, vent and get support. I've been a SK since the age of 8, so I know the tricks of the trade:-)
I have a now 11 year old SD that is a straight A student, smart as a whip but makes my life a living hell. At an early age she already knows how to play games and make things up for negative/positive attention. Her mother left my hubby 6 years ago. She decided she was gay and because of it, she tries to use it as a crutch and/or acts like she has a disability. SD is with us 50% of the time and will not allow herself to get close to me. She fears, that she is betraying her mother if she holds any feelings for me, so she ignores me when she is at our home. She carries deep sadness because of their divorce and even though her mother was the one to leave, she blames my DH. He is a wonderful father and she just keeps breaking his heart. She recently expressed to my husband that she "doesn't miss us when she is at her moms house". We try sooooo hard to function as a family but it's very hard when all three of us walk on eggshells when she is here. DSD lies to us, tells her mother lies about our household and that we make her do things she doesn't want to do. Her mother also tells us what happens in their home is none of our business. I'm sorry but when my DH's daughter is eating fast food everynight they are together, that is his business.We currently have her in counciling (due to her deep sadness about her parents divorce) and hoping she grows out of it. Also, because of her age, we think hormones are setting in and she is rebelling because our home is more strict than her mothers. Her mother is lazy, they eat like crap (fast food and frozen dinner), they have NO activity outside the home and only hang out with family. My stepdaughter has no social skills because of it and because her mom is gay, she is not allowed to have friends over/sleepovers (she doesn't want to have to explain to other mothers about her sexual orientation). We encourage her to have friends over and she doesn't act interested.
We just have to be patient and try and grow together. Sometimes I just have to laugh and other days I cry. The three of us sit down monthly and have the same chat, over and over about the same issues. 5 days in a row when she's here, feels like a month sometimes.We put her in gymnastics and karate to boost her self esteem. She just doesn't care, nor puts forth the effort into anything that's outside of school. We do need to get a handle on it soon because with me trying to get pg after our 11/29 VR, I can't have the stress.
We pay for everything. Gym, Karate, school clothes, medical+dental, after-school program, etc....the list goes on. The ex doesn't support her in ANY of her activities or shows up to watch her. It's heartbreaking because she really wants her to go:-(I can't and won't let the situation run my life. We have babies to make! DH and I are a good team and we won't let it get under our skin. All we can do is try and help her move past this and be a positive influence in her life.
I have a now 11 year old SD that is a straight A student, smart as a whip but makes my life a living hell. At an early age she already knows how to play games and make things up for negative/positive attention. Her mother left my hubby 6 years ago. She decided she was gay and because of it, she tries to use it as a crutch and/or acts like she has a disability. SD is with us 50% of the time and will not allow herself to get close to me. She fears, that she is betraying her mother if she holds any feelings for me, so she ignores me when she is at our home. She carries deep sadness because of their divorce and even though her mother was the one to leave, she blames my DH. He is a wonderful father and she just keeps breaking his heart. She recently expressed to my husband that she "doesn't miss us when she is at her moms house". We try sooooo hard to function as a family but it's very hard when all three of us walk on eggshells when she is here. DSD lies to us, tells her mother lies about our household and that we make her do things she doesn't want to do. Her mother also tells us what happens in their home is none of our business. I'm sorry but when my DH's daughter is eating fast food everynight they are together, that is his business.We currently have her in counciling (due to her deep sadness about her parents divorce) and hoping she grows out of it. Also, because of her age, we think hormones are setting in and she is rebelling because our home is more strict than her mothers. Her mother is lazy, they eat like crap (fast food and frozen dinner), they have NO activity outside the home and only hang out with family. My stepdaughter has no social skills because of it and because her mom is gay, she is not allowed to have friends over/sleepovers (she doesn't want to have to explain to other mothers about her sexual orientation). We encourage her to have friends over and she doesn't act interested.
We just have to be patient and try and grow together. Sometimes I just have to laugh and other days I cry. The three of us sit down monthly and have the same chat, over and over about the same issues. 5 days in a row when she's here, feels like a month sometimes.We put her in gymnastics and karate to boost her self esteem. She just doesn't care, nor puts forth the effort into anything that's outside of school. We do need to get a handle on it soon because with me trying to get pg after our 11/29 VR, I can't have the stress.
We pay for everything. Gym, Karate, school clothes, medical+dental, after-school program, etc....the list goes on. The ex doesn't support her in ANY of her activities or shows up to watch her. It's heartbreaking because she really wants her to go:-(I can't and won't let the situation run my life. We have babies to make! DH and I are a good team and we won't let it get under our skin. All we can do is try and help her move past this and be a positive influence in her life.