...is this thing on? ;)

[wiltingflower]

Hi ladies!

Guess I'm the first poster!
DH and I decided to go for it with DS after his VR failed, and it turned out he had poor sperm quality when we attempted IVF last year. It was a really heart-wrenching decision, but I am feeling more positive about it since I found what seems like the perfect donor, and all the pieces feel like they're falling into place. DH has two kids from his previous marriage, so he would have been ok (more than ok) with stopping after the VR failure... but it just wasn't an option for me to decide to never have children when there were still so many reasonable options available. DH is on-side these days, being very positive and supportive - but it was a struggle getting there. yay!

Join me, fellow ds-users!

cheers!
wf ;D

[Jennifer]

Yep, your the first!! I'm sure as it picks up here (we are still very new) there will be many more ladies joining you!

[photokissa]

I'm definitely going to be following along here. DH and I are very open to DS just in case. I hope this first round worked for your WF!!

[Jennifer]

That is wonderful DH is open to DS! My hubby flat out refuses to ever use it.

[momto2teenagers]

Mine refuses to use it as well. I can be very persuasive at times so if it comes to that I just might be able to convince him.

[wiltingflower]

My DH was completely, utterly against it as well. I had to make a LOT of convincing arguments why it was a good idea. He finally decided we should do it when I asked him how he would feel if someone told him he could never again be with his kids (he has two from his previous marriage), just because they didn't 'like the idea of it'. That kinda hit home as far as giving him a clue how this was feeling for me.

It's a long, tough road. Some men are more accepting of it than others - usually those who don't already have kids from a previous relationship I think.

But hang in there girls! If MY dh can change his mind, so can anyone! He's soooooooooo stubborn.

wf

[photokissa]

My DH is like the most open minded person in the history of mankind. lol. I was the one that was initially struggling with the possibility of using DS, and he was all "So what?? We would go through everything together and that would be OUR baby..what's the problem??" And when I started thinking about it, I was like well what IS the problem, really?? So he and I are much more open to it as a possibility now. We will continue to try with our own stuff for quite awhile still and then go from there.

[Jennifer]

Wow, sounds like you have an amazingly open-minded hubby! That's great!!

[wiltingflower]

You are soooooo lucky your DH is so open to it. Going through dealing with a DH who is dead set against it when there is no other option left for you to explore, is h-e-double-hockeysticks.

And he's absolutely right, btw. It's still both of yours, no matter what gametes are involved.

[tiffmw10]

As of now, mine is also against DS. He said that it wouldn't be "his" baby. I told him to get over it. LOL
If it comes to that, I hope he comes around.

[wiltingflower]

If it helps, I found lots of testimonials online from men who initially were very against using DS, but eventually gave in, went through the process, and realized pretty quickly that it made no difference whatsoever to how they felt about it being 'their child' or not. One look at the heartbeat on the ultrasound, and they were in love, and so happy to be having a baby! It was the same time after time. They all felt the same to start with... 100% against it. I think it helped my DH to read some of those... and there are some videos you can find of men talking about their experiences, too.

What would I *DO* without the internet??!!
wf

[lifesabeach]

WF, I'm so glad to hear that you and DH moved on to DS. We are too. It's took a good 6 months of mulling it over for DH to finally say yes. He's not thrilled with it at all, but he'd rather do that than have me be miserable for the rest of our lives. Like Tiffany's DH, he is having issues with it not being "his" kid. I've tried to explain that he will be the one and only daddy to our child.

Here's a curve ball for you though. He wants the donor to be completely anonymous. Like so that neither of us even know anything. I tried to explain it doesn't work that way, that the Dr. makes you pick one and then you have to know the number, etc. (my co-worker had to use DS so she has been a huge wealth of info). I've picked 2 I think are good matches to him, so I'm just going to pick one. I mean, I have to, right?

I go for my HSG Thursday, then if we can make it happen, we'll do the first round of IUI March 13ish. God willing it work, it's perfect timing for me to have a baby in December. I know it's not likely I'll get a BFP the first go-round, but you have to stay optimistic after you've gone through all the crap we have.

I'm so glad I'm able to talk about this kind of thing again, it's been a really hard 6 months for me. And while I'm sad that you all are here still, I'm happy I have some ladies to go through the process with. It can be such a lonely place when your friends are popping out babies left and right with out even trying.

[ttcamiracle]

I find this whole thing so intriguing. My dh's VR has been labeled a failure but as of right now, my husband's not open to it. lifesabeach, I noticed the same thing- friends are having babies every other day and here I sit with an empty belly.