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Post by Jennifer on Feb 5, 2011 19:18:29 GMT -6
Ugh I go through my phases of baby fever, I had it really bad right before the VR, then since the VR have not had it super bad and now in the past week it is getting bad again. I have two facebook friends who have given birth, one two weeks ago and one this past Monday and I think that makes it harder. I mean they post about their pregnancies (and I am happy for them!) and now these early days with their babies, all the hard times during those first days, all the joys, hormones etc... and it just brings back all of those memories of our first days with our little ones and makes me cry, I am SO AFRAID we may never get to experience this again! I was so young when I had my babies, I just want to exp all of this again in my 30's. I am a totally different person now (not that I was bad earlier lol) but you know, times change and I feel more mature now...ack I am babbling and probably not making any sense!
And ladies who have no had babies yet i am so sorry if this post seems selfish I am not trying to be, I know this is hard in our own ways for each of us!!
I'm just having an emotional night, I think it has to do with the SA next week too!
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Post by kews on Feb 5, 2011 19:32:09 GMT -6
Jen I know exactly how you feel considering we are about the same age and our oldest are the same age. I am so mad that family/dr.'s pushed us into the V and I soo want a baby again. Everyone keeps telling us to look at adoption, but even knowing I have such a chance at HG, I still want to be pregnant (even if I puke 24/7 for 9 months), I just want to feel those kicks and flutters, be able to nurse...
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Post by shell2011 on Feb 5, 2011 19:31:37 GMT -6
Jen, I'm sorry you're having an emotional night. I completely understand what you mean, though. I am sitting here debating if I really want to go to a Superbowl party tomorrow because there will be 3 or 4 pg women there plus a couple with newborns. I am really happy for them, but my baby is now 6 and I am starting to feel like I can't even relate to those women anymore if that makes sense. I desperately want another baby, but it has been an uphill battle, as you know very well. Do you ever get so upset about having the V in the first place? I know I can't change it because what is done is done, but when I start feeling down, I feel my mind start to go there and then I get a little ticked off about it all over again.
Anyway, I just want you to know that you are not alone. I really hope your next SA is better than the last one. When are you having it done?
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Post by shell2011 on Feb 5, 2011 19:36:14 GMT -6
Kews, I also keep hearing, "what about adoption?" It is not that I am against adoption, but my heart just isn't there right now, KWIM? Maybe that will change, but for now I am just praying for a miracle.
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Post by hsmom24 on Feb 5, 2011 19:38:41 GMT -6
Jen, I totally understand what you mean, as I feel the same way. I wasn't a bad mom before, but I know so much more now, and I'm such a different person/mom. I want more children so badly, and I really want to be *this* kind of mom to from the beginning. YK?? I had baby fever REALLY badly for about a year before the VR, and then for the first few months after surgery. Since then, I really feel like I've been in a funk about it. I mean, I still really want more children, but I stopped letting myself yearn for it so much. After we got back the last SA, it's hitting again big time, for both my DH and I. It's really starting to bother DH that I'm not pg yet, and I hate seeing that hurt in his eyes.
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Post by kews on Feb 5, 2011 19:39:02 GMT -6
Shel, I completely understand. If we could adopt, I would and I would love that child just as much, but it would not cure this need I feel. I have prayed and prayed for God to either fill the need or take it away, but clearly he has not done that.
And yes I just want to scream about the V. If I had a time machine I think that is the one and only thing I would HAVE to go back and change, yes I have other mistakes I have made that are doozies, but all those I can see good that came out of them, the V I can see nothing but heart ache and pain
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Post by Jennifer on Feb 5, 2011 19:57:51 GMT -6
Thank you girls!! Shel i can completely relate to how you feel, feeling like you can't relate anymore to those ladies who are pregnant or with newborns. My baby will be 5 in August so I totally get it! And yes I get sooo upset when i think that we actually went through and had the V and the reason was because we were being pressured by family (most moms butting in!) DH was so fertile and now we ruined his fertility, ugh so stupid! Kirsten I know, ugh and I was never successful at nursing and that is one thing I have always wanted to master. I nursed my first for like a week, but i was young (20) with no help with nursing, my family always bottle fed so there i went and bottle fed. I bottle fed my middle children and then when I had my DS who is almost 5 now I was determined to nurse! And I did so the first couple days in the hospital, I was DETERMINED to get it right, I even got so much help with it in the hospital, then when we got home that first week went perfectly with nursing, I was so happy and proud and was willing to do it for the long haul, around 2 weeks after DS was born i started betting breast infections (I forget the name) they kicked my butt OMG! I got high fevers and felt like the worst flu EVER! But I got meds and kept BF'ing. But then I kept getting these infections in the milk ducts i believe it was (sorry it has been so long) and it was sooo painful omg, I am sure some of you know what I mean who have BF! It was always in the one breast and it kept coming back. By the 5th time I quite and gave in to the bottle I have been very sad over how that turned out and would LOVE to try one more time with a new VR baby Leslie, I totally get what you mean, just being older makes you wiser and I feel like a more experienced mom now! Plus my kids were so close together I feel like now that they are all a bit older, I could sit back and enjoy a newborn, not that i didn't enjoy my babies but you KWIM! thank you for being here girls, I love you all
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Post by momto2teenagers on Feb 5, 2011 20:02:35 GMT -6
I know what you mean too. We were both young when we had our 2 and not to say that we were bad parents, but I know we could be better parents now that we are older and wiser. Nobody IRL that knows about the VR understands my baby fever. They all think that we are stupid for even wanting another baby since we are so close to not having either kid at home anymore. I've had this desire for another child for years, but never realized until last year that we could have the VR to "right a wrong". I'm just hoping that God answers my prayers and blesses us with at least 1 more.
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Post by kews on Feb 5, 2011 20:04:20 GMT -6
Jennifer I understand on breastfeeding. With DS it went fine and I BF'd till he was 6 months and got teeth (OUUCHH!!). With ODD I Bf'd until she was 4 months and am not sure why I quit. With YDD I so wanted to do a year, but then she had her surgery and stopped wanting to eat, had a feeding tube and I was pumping (SOOO not fun!) and then they wanted me to stop dairy products and I was out I envy you with 4/5 yr old. My baby is going to be 10 in 3 wks and I have nothing in common with half the moms around me. The majority who have kids my kids ages are quite a bit older than me or the moms my age all have little ones In RL I have one real friend and we are not that close. I honestly have though that if I was not here, no one outside my family and the one couple we are friends with would miss me (AND I AM NOT SAYING I WOULD DO SOMETHING, THINK THAT WAY OR ANY SUCH, it is just a random thought)
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Post by hsmom24 on Feb 5, 2011 20:28:53 GMT -6
Put me in the group of those who can't relate to people my age. The people I know my age all have young children, and here I am with a "baby" who is almost 9. Most of the people who I'm closest with are 10+ years older than me, because we seem to be in the same spot in life with older kids. I don't mind it really, but I'd also like to "fit in" with my own age group. YK??
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Post by kews on Feb 5, 2011 20:31:28 GMT -6
lol ok so when can we plan the TTC after VR reunion for those of us who do not fit into our RL
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Post by hsmom24 on Feb 5, 2011 20:38:53 GMT -6
lol Sounds good! Funny thing is, we still won't fit in. Because we'll be the ones with kids the same age as theirs, but we'll be the odd ones with older kids too.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2011 21:00:02 GMT -6
Wow, I'm in the same boat with everyone here. I was done with my kids by the time I was 24! Now at 31, I want to relive things and actually "try" to concieve! I honestly can say that I have never had tears of joy while exploring my pregnany! SO sad to say. I love my life and wouldn't change a thing about it. I'm a great mom, but my life was handed to me very early and not on my timeframe, but now know that it was God's plan. My youngest is 6 and all my close friends are just starting their families. I'm very grateful for all I have and for having this opportunity to "try" to experience things again. I'm soooo thankful for finding you gals to help get me through this process and share life experiences with. My hubby knows many of you guys just by the stories I tell. :-) Babies for everyone in 2011!
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Post by kews on Feb 5, 2011 21:03:25 GMT -6
So we all had kids before we were 21, all technically considered teen moms and now we are all wanting to do it over again. I just wish it was easier in RL. Maybe we need to start our own town, we can support each other and all go through the same stuff
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Post by Jennifer on Feb 5, 2011 21:15:27 GMT -6
sportykids, you said it perfectly, I just want the opportunity to experience it again! I had my first when i was 20, all of my kids were in my 20's, I do not regret any of it, no way but as you guys understand we are older now, it would be different, we have lived a lot more and are wiser now, right things happened so fast when I was in my 20's, I hate to say it kinda feels like a blur a lot of it
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